- What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
- All sorts of antics!
- How do you start a teddy bear race?
- Ready, teddy, go!
- What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
- A firequaker!
- What is smarter than a talking cat?
- A spelling bee!
- What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?
- Turns over a new leaf!
- Why did the turtle cross the road?
- To get to the shell station
- Why did the horse cross the road?
- Because the chicken needed a day off
- Why did the cow cross the road?
- To get to the udder side!
- What do you call a crazy chicken?
- A cuckoo cluck!
- What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
- An eggroll!
- What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
- Time to fix the fence!
- What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet?
- An elephant with an umbrella!
- What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
- What do you call a fish with no eyes?
- What do you call an arctic cow?
- An eskimoo!
- What do you call a crate of ducks?
- A box of quackers!
- Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
- You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
- Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
- Yes - here's a kite!
- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell.
- Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
- Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
- That's baaaaaaaaaad!
- Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
- I'll deal with you later.
- Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
- I never make rash promises!
Knock, Knock Jokes
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!
Abbott time you answered the door!
Adair once but I'm bald now!
Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin?
Alba in the kitchen if you need me!
Albert you don't know who this is!
- What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
- A dinosnore!
- What is the fruitiest lesson?
- History, because it's full of dates!
- How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
- Just one if it's long enough!
- This match won't light!
- That's funny, it did this morning!
- What do elves do after school?
- What animals are on legal documents?
School Jokes (History, Math, Geography)
- How did the Vikings send secret messages?
- By norse code!
- Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
- Because there were so many knights!
- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
- Student: Because it can't sit down!
- What is a forum?
- Two-um plus two-um!
- Who invented fractions?
- Henry the 1/8th!
- Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
- Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!